


No One Is an Island

by books_are_my_patronus1397



Series: The only 5am I wake up for [2]
Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-20 03:45:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/books_are_my_patronus1397/pseuds/books_are_my_patronus1397
Summary: Sam puts his life at risk while on a rescue mission.  Suddenly, Five must face the possibility of a future without him.  But Sam is the heart of Able, and she will bring him home to his family. No matter the cost to herself.





	No One Is an Island

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly alternate version of the events spanning S4M22/23. Major spoilers if you haven't gotten to this point yet.

_Backup's just minutes away, Sam._

"We haven't got minutes!"

_Bring her home to me!_

"We can't hold the door!"

"Crap. I'm going inside."

_CLANG_

Five stared at the door in shock. The metal gleamed mockingly back at her, perfectly flush to the doorframe with no way to pry it open. Her hands were still outstretched as if they didn't realize the door had already slipped through them. Sam was in there, facing off against the zombie that held his daughter. Alone. Because of her.

"He's in there," Owen told everyone listening, his voice just a little shaky. "The door mechanism was too strong, we couldn't hold it."

 _It's okay_ , Sam answered. He sounded distinctly not-okay but Five could tell he was trying to hide it. _It's heading toward the east wing. Run and meet me there._

"Come on, Five," Owen murmured, touching her arm to get her attention. Five pushed back the panic and took off in a sprint, Owen following close behind. She was going to figure this out. She had to. **What was that saying?** part of her mused. **If a door closes somewhere there's a window?** Well, she would find that window one way or another, and break it down if she had to.

She and Own rounded the corner to the east wing and for a brief, hopeful moment Five did indeed see a first-floor window. Then she saw the iron bars covering the empty space.

"Damn," Owen cursed. Five curled her fists, glaring at the offending metal while Owen explained the problem to the other runners. They were running out of time! 

_Explosives are on their way_ , Jody said. _Is there any way you can squeeze through those bars Sam?_

 _Nah, a bit late to go on the skeletal diet now. I’m not getting out of here_.

Whatever he said next was lost on Five as those words buzzed in her ear. The way he so matter-of-factly accepted that he wasn’t going to escape that building…it was like her soul cracked. He was there, just on the other side of those bars. And there was nothing she could do.

_They’re breaking down the door. The zombies. And I can’t get out through the bars, but the baby can._

“We’re here, we’re here to rescue you!” Owen shouted.

Sam appeared in the window and she ran up to it, gripping the bar so tight her knuckles turned white. “There’s no time for that,” he said. She could finally hear him again without the comms. Fear, and a deep sadness, had trickled into his voice. 

“There’s a zom that looks like Runner Five behind me, a bunch of zoms with their jaws wired shut running around behind you, a madman setting up homemade bombs. All we can try to do is keep her safe. Here, Five. I’m passing the baby through the bars to you, okay? No one else touches her, no one else holds her until she’s back with her mums, okay? Just you.”

“We can get these bars off!” Owen protested.

Sam ignored him and pushed the baby through the window bars into Five's waiting hands. Holding Sarah with one arm she gripped his hand before he slipped away from her again. “Sam,” she pleaded. She didn’t know what, exactly, she was asking. Only that this wasn’t actually happening. 

The zombie trapped with Sam groaned. He looked at her and Sarah a final time, squeezed her hand once, and then turned away from her. “Please. I don’t want you to see this okay? I don’t want my daughter to be here for this.”

Sarah was crying in her arms and Five stumbled away from the window. She couldn’t make herself run any further. There had to be some way to save him they just hadn’t thought of yet? They just needed a few more minutes--

Sam screamed.

Five froze as Sam shouted. “Five, please, just run!”

She could see glimpses of the struggling figures through the window. The image of blood, and a flash of teeth seared into her brain. Then another cry of sheer terror and agony tore her heart apart.

 ** _SAM!_** her mind screamed while her body simply stood there, cuddling the child she held. 

Owen clutched her arm, his face white and eyes glistening. "Five, we have to go!"

Sam's voice whispered through her memory. _I’m giving her to you, Five. No one else touches her until she’s back with her mums, okay? Just you._

She looked down at Sarah who clutched at Five's shirt with her face scrunched up, wailing and giving voice to Five's own pain. "I've got her," she said, her voice cracking. She met Sarah's little eyes, eyes that looked so much like Sam's. "I've got you." 

She nodded to Owen and the two of them started running. The only sound between them was Sarah's hiccuping cries. With every step Five felt like a piece of her fell away, but she didn't falter. She couldn't. She had a promise to keep. 

When she and Owen stumbled through Abel’s gates, Sarah's crying had calmed to gentle whimpers. She hid her face in Five's chest and Five snuggled her closer while searching the gathered crowd. It didn't take her long to spot Maxine, who was waiting with barely controlled anxiety. She looked a wreck, from having just given birth to suffering through the fear and relief and grief of the last through hours. 

"Oh Five, thank God!" she cried when she saw them. She held out her arms.

It took Five a moment to realize what Maxine was asking. **Sarah** , the one barely functioning part of her brain said **. Sarah is Maxine's daughter. Paula's daughter.** Wordlessly, Five handed her to her mother. Then her brain finished the thought. **Sam's daughter.**

Five fell to her knees, staring ahead at nothing, unable to hear the shouts of concern from those around her. She couldn't breathe. She was here. Sam was supposed to be here too. To stay in Abel, to be safe. He didn't come on these missions. He was supposed to be there when she came home.

But he wasn't. This time Sam was gone. Just gone, gonegonegone . . .

"Five!"

Her focus snapped back into the present. Jody stared at her. There were fresh tear tracks on Jody's face and her eyes wide with fear that another friend of hers was in danger. But her hand was steady on Five's shoulder. "Are you all right? Do you need to go to the med bay?"

Five blinked. Other runners were standing around them and even Maxine was examining her, though in her state she should've been in the medical building a long time ago. This loss wasn't just hers, Sam belonged to all of them. **The runners, we need him---** she swayed. They needed her, too. She didn't deserve their faith, especially after last year. But they trusted her. They were her friends. She couldn't let them lose both their Operator and Head Runner in one day.

"No," she said, pushing to her feet. "No, I'm fine." Five looked at the assembled runners. "You two, take Maxine and--" she swallowed "--and Sarah to Dr. Lobatse, to make sure they're all right." 

The runners she selected nodded, but Maxine protested. "Five, wait." 

Five gave her a shaky smile. "Please, go, Maxine."

 _Five is right_ , Janine's voice crackled over Five's headset. _You need to rest. And Paula needs you, too._ Maxine looked like she was still going to refuse, but when the other runners nodded her shoulders slumped. She snuggled Sarah closer to her. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

Five didn't have the strength to acknowledge that statement right now. She had to finish her mission.

"Jody, Owen." Her friends didn't need her to say anything.

 _Five, you don't need to do this._ Janine sounded almost gentle. Five wished she wouldn't be. _You should rest, let another runner--_

"No." Five told her. "I'm doing this. I have to. It's just..."

"We're with you," Jody said. Owen nodded.

Janine was silent for a moment, and then she said quietly. _Raise the gates._

*zombiesrun*

The cabin was empty. Five saw no sign of the zom or Sam, except for the splashes of blood on the floor. She glanced at Jody, who seemed a little pale. Owen was searching the corners of the cabin, his gun out and ready. 

_Anything?_

"Not yet," Jody answered.

"Over here!"

Five sprinted towards Owen's voice, her heart in her throat.

 _Well?_ Janine snapped over the headset.

"The back door is open," Owen told her while Five inspected the scene. She noticed the blood on the handle and looked back at him, taking out her own gun. "We think Sam went this way."

Five strode through the open door, alert and on edge. Every inch of her waited to hear that distinct zombie growl, and her entire being dreaded hearing it from Sam's mouth.

"Five," Jody murmured next to her, keeping watch where Five couldn't. "If it comes to it, you don't have to be the one to, well, you know."

Her hand clenched around the barrel of her pistol. Birds chirped cheerily around them and the sun was shining. It was a cruelly beautiful day.

"Thank you," she answered just as softly. "But I--I think it should be me." Jody nodded, as if she knew that would be the answer. 

Five reached out to touch Jody's wrist in thanks, then froze. She saw him, huddled next to a tree and shivering. This shirt was ripped and dried blood streaked his skin. 

Jody's head whipped around at the look on Five's face. "Oh, Sam."

Five stepped closer, raising her gun. Her hand had always been steady. She could always count on her aim. But this time, her hand was trembling.

"Five?" Sam turned and looked at them in confusion, but a very human confusion. He hadn't turned yet. "What are you doing here? You--you should've left! Gone back to Abel!"

Her hand fell to her side and she choked back a sob. She had to hold it together, for him and for the runners with her. 

"Shh," she said, her voice rough. She shrugged off her jacket and wrapped it around him. "It's fine. Sarah's safe."

Sam smiled and leaned back against the tree. His eyes drifted closed, like he was exhausted. "Knew you could do it. Good ole' Runner Five."

Anger seared through her veins. He shouldn't be _praising_ her, he should be furious with her! He should hate her, like she was hating herself. For not saving him. 

For not being fast enough.

"Come on," she said, slipping her arm under his and ignoring Janine's sharp protests in her ear. Jody and Owen both backed up a step, guns at the ready. "Sarah's safe and now it's your turn."

That brought Sam back around. "What? No, I can't go back," he pushed ineffectively at Five. "You need to get away from me. I could hurt you!"

"You're not turning, yet" she said. "There's time." Jody and Owen looked at her skeptically.

 _Are you sure?_ Janine asked.

"We have the quarantine area,” Five said. “But I am NOT leaving him here." **Not again**.

"It's too dangerous," he said, clutching her arm. "I don't want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone."

Five looked him in the eyes. "I won't let you hurt anyone, I promise." It would probably break her, but she would keep that promise. "You deserve to be back at Abel. Either that, or I'm staying out here with you."

"If you're staying, we're staying," Jody said.

"Five, I don't--" he looked down, but not before she saw the anguish in his eyes. "I don't want you to see me turn. To be . . .not me. Memories, and all that, you know?" he mumbled.

She pressed her forehead to his and closed her eyes. Warm tears trickled down her cheeks and caught on her chin. "Nothing will change that. Okay? Nothing.”

"I can't go back to an Abel without you," she admitted. She hadn't meant to tell him that, but the truth escaped her in a breath, without warning. 

Behind her, Jody and Owen exchanged glances but neither Five nor Sam noticed.

His eyes flickered up to meet hers and she pressed forward. "Come home?"

Sam nodded and she looked back at her runners. "Let's go."

*zombiesrun*

"Can I be honest?"

Sam was lying on the ground next to her, looking up at the stars. The night was clear and a little cool, and the sky was a brilliant, glittering canvas above them. But it was difficult for Five to focus on anything other than the heavy weight of the pistol at her side.

"I didn't think it would be like this," he said. "Going grey, I mean. The sense of impending doom doesn't feel all that impending. Or doom-y."

Five turned her head to look at him. He was in a clean shirt and the bites on his arms were covered up with bandages. The shirt was his and handed to her easily enough after she glared at one of the guards. The bandages were technically supposed to be for her, why waste precious medical supplies on someone who was dead anyway? But Five had noticed that the pile held a few more pieces than was strictly necessary. And if she skimped on her own bandaging to make sure Sam was taken care of, well, he didn't need to know that. 

He caught her eye and smiled crookedly. "Okay, maybe a little impending. But I feel okay about...leaving. I mean, I'm still sad. But I'm not as panicked as I thought I would be. I guess I just have faith that you guys will be all right. How can I not? You'll still be here. If anyone can get Abel through this whole thing you can. And I think I did okay for surviving the apocalypse this long . . . Five?"

She had bolted upright on instinct, as if her body wanted to start running and never stop. To run away from this talk that everything would be all right without him, after she was the one who couldn't save him to begin with. 

He reached out to touch her shoulder but pulled back at the last second, remembering why he was out here in the first place. "Are you all right?"

Five closed her eyes, forcing herself to breathe. One by one her muscles obeyed her order to relax. She couldn't let him see, not now. She may have gotten him killed but she could at least keep him from worrying more than he had to.

"Fine," she whispered. Then she opened her eyes and tried to smile at him. "I'm fine. Sorry."

He opened his mouth to say something, and then stopped. Then he tried again. But before he could get the courage to say whatever it was he wanted to, the gate behind them rattled.

Five turned and got to her feet in one swift movement, her right hand coming to rest on the butt of her gun. Sam scrambled to his feet a few seconds behind her. She frowned as Dr. Lobatse waved at them. The woman seemed much too cheerful.

"Runner Five! Sam! I have excellent news, excellent," she called, striding across the little yard until she was only a few feet away. She looked excitedly at Sam. "You're never going to believe this, I certainly didn't at first, but Veronica has confirmed the blood work. You're going to be fine Sam!"

A heavy, confused silence descended between the three of them. "This isn't funny, Doctor," Five said, her voice cold. 

'No, no, of course not," Dr. Lobatse said. "Did it seem like I was trying to be? Oh, I do apologize. I just can't believe it, it's such a thrilling discovery. You see, it appears that Sam is immune to the virus. Didn't you two wonder why the process was taking such a long time?"

Five and Sam looked at each other and Five tried to squelch the building hope inside her. To be honest, she hadn't been paying that close of attention to how long it was taking for him to turn. She had just been grateful for as much time as possible.

"You're serious?" Sam asked. "Like, truly, properly immune? I'm not going grey?"

"I am serious, you are immune, and you are not going grey. In fact!" She smiled. "Veronica, Dr. Meyers and I think we can develop a treatment for Paula if we get a blood transfusion from you."

"That's…that's brilliant!" Sam laughed. "Kefilwe, I could almost kiss you right now!"

She waved her hand dismissively but she was smiling. "I'm glad to bring such good news."

"Five, can you believe it?" He turned to her. "Everything's going to be fine--"

She snatched him up in a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck and blinking up at the sky to keep tears from falling. Sam laughed again and swung her in a little circle. A hundred consequences of this discovery swirled around in the back of her mind, and a part of her began preparing for the days ahead. But for now, she just concentrated on feeling him, alive, in her arms.

Dr. Lobatse coughed politely. "I hate to break this up, but Sam, if you could come with me, we can perform that blood transfusion?"

"Oh, right, of course. Sorry," Sam said breathlessly. "Um, Five?"

His hands were still resting on her waist and she could've stayed there forever. But she tapped his chest with her hand. "Go. I'll tell the runners the news."

She knew they would be up, waiting as she would have been for the sound of a lone gunshot. Now she was glad she could face them without having fired it.

"Right.” He hesitated a moment and then gave her another quick hug. “I'll see you later, then."

As he followed Dr. Lobatse out of the quarantine area, Five noticed one of the women at the gate give him a look of awe. The other woman looked envious. Five knew that was going to be a common reaction, and a dangerous one. How is it that he, of all people, was immune to becoming a zombie? Of course, that wouldn't prevent him from being killed by zoms, but she knew people who were already angry they didn't get the lucky break weren't going to be thinking along those lines.

And if Sarah, a helpless baby, inherited his immunity? 

The guards looked back at Five and she held their eyes until both looked away, uncomfortable. Anyone who blamed Sam for something he couldn't control, or was thinking of doing something ill-advised because of it, was going to have to go through her first.

Five left the quarantine area and made her way towards the runners' barracks. She pushed the door open and saw some runners were sitting together in small groups, or individually on their bunks depending on their nature. Hushed conversations did nothing to ease the tension in the air.

It didn't take long for complete silence to spread once they noticed she had arrived. Their stares rooted her to the floor and it took her a couple more moments before she found her voice. Then she got to the heart of it. 

"Sam is going to be fine."

She noticed a few confused looks and a lot of skepticism. "Turns out he is immune."

Silence. Five stood there, unmoving, until someone let out a cheer. That led to others applauding, or cheering along, until the runners' barracks was a tumultuous bubble of celebration. Five told them about Paula as well, which only added to the joyful clamor.

She was swept up into the cacophony and it took her a while to extricate herself. As soon as she could, Five slipped out the door and rested against the wall, feeling her skin tingle with the cool night air. She smiled slightly, still hearing the muffled noises inside the barracks. It wouldn't be long until the news spread around Abel and Sam was bombarded with well-wishers. But she had done her job and was glad to be the bearer of good news. Now she wanted to be somewhere quiet to think.

The comms shack was empty this time of night. No runners ever went out in the middle of the night unless the circumstances were dire, and no one was on a multi-day mission at the moment. Janine and Dr. Lobatse were in the medical building and they had no one else to operate the comms anyway. Sam wouldn't be back the for awhile, so Five figured she would have a good amount of time by herself.

She made it there in record time, cutting through Abel without anyone else awake to stop her. Five shut the door behind her and then collapsed into the threadbare couch that was shoved into the corner, her legs finally giving out on her. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes as her chest constricted and unexpected tears slid down her cheeks.

She didn't know _why_ she was crying. Sam was safe, Sarah and Maxine where both safe, Paula was going to get better. So what the hell was wrong with her?

"Better not answer that one," she muttered to herself. She took a couple deep, shaky breaths and blinked back the water in her eyes. God, she was tired. Even her bones ached. She couldn't bear the thought of returning to the barracks and, since the couch was available, she figured a short nap would be acceptable. That's all she had been able to manage recently anyway, so there was little risk of anyone interrupting her.

Five curled up on her side, tucking her nose into the crook of her arm. For once her mind was blessedly, miraculously quiet as she fell asleep.

*zombiesrun*

She drifted into wakefulness, slow and relaxed. Sam's voice murmured in the background and the blanket on top of her created a cocoon of cozy warmth that--

Five came fully awake, sitting up and staring at the blanket it confusion. It hadn't been there a few minutes ago.

"Hey there, sleepyhead."

Sam grinned at her from the comms desk, headset pushed back so he wasn't speaking directly into the mic.

"How?" Five looked at the heavy afternoon sunlight filtering through the little window cut into the wall. "How long was I asleep? And what are you even doing in here, shouldn’t you be resting?"

"Most of the day, it's about three o’clock. And I feel fine, if that’s what you’re worried about.” He spun the chair around. “It’s just a basic supply run and I’ve been cleared by pretty much everyone.”

Hungry? I snagged some biscuits from the mess hall." He held out the food but Five just stared at it.

She hadn't slept that long uninterrupted in weeks. No wonder she felt confused. "Sorry, I meant to be gone by the time anyone needed the room." She started to fold the blanket.

"Wait," he protested. "You can stay, really. I, um, I have to ask you something anyway."

Five sat back down slowly, accepting some of the offered food, and waited.

"Paula is getting back to her old self," he said. "She and Maxine and I were talking and, okay it was my idea but they both totally agreed right away, so you know it's a joint thing--"

"Sam," Five stopped him. She raised her eyebrows and he shrugged sheepishly.

"Sorry. The three of us were talking and we would like you to be Sarah's godmother." 

Her chest constricted in fear and the biscuits suddenly became too dry for her to swallow. "What?"

"Yeah, isn't it great! I mean, you would be amazing at it, I'm sure of it and....what's wrong?"

She couldn't breathe. How could he possibly ask her this? After failing him and the whole of Abel last year, after she _murdered_ all those people. God, if something happened to Sarah when she was responsible for her?

"I can't," she whispered.

"What, why not?" He looked wounded and Five hated herself even more for it. But the panic that bubbled up inside her made it impossible to say yes.

"You just have to find someone else," she told him. "Someone better."

"Someone better? Five, there is no one better." He set the biscuits on the desk. "You're the person I trust the most, with my life, with Sarah's life."

He needed to _stop_. "I almost got you killed!" she shouted, surging to her feet. "Twice. I almost lost you twice." Sam looked up at her with wide eyes, and the words just spilled out of her. "And the people on that ship--every night I close my eyes I still see them burning. Then I wake up, sick, because I remember how happy I felt when she was happy. I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t save Eight. I couldn’t save you! You're not alive because of me Sam, you're alive in spite of me. I've had two miracles already. How many more will I get?" Her voice wavered and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stand steady against the buffeting storm of emotions inside her. "Sarah is better off without me." 

**You're all better off without me,** she thought. 

"Five," Sam murmured, taking her hands and guiding her back to the couch and sitting next to her. She finally got a hold of herself enough to look at him, but the expression on his face almost broke her down again. Why was he looking at her like that?

"None of us would still be here if it weren't for you," he said, twining his fingers through hers. "The _Letitia Greenwald_ wasn't your fault. It was that, that psychopath who hacked your brain."

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his shoulder. 

"And even then, she had to trick you to hurt people. You fought her the whole time. And," his voice softened. "You wouldn't kill me no matter how loud she was in your head."

Five shuddered at the memory of the gun in her hand and Moonchild's voice so calm and soothing while she ordered Five to shoot. Five _wanting_ to shoot.

His thumb brushed across her knuckles absently. "And with the zom yesterday, there was nothing you could've done. You saved Sarah and Maxine, and you couldn't have saved me."

"I could've been faster," she protested. "I should have been. I should've done something."

Sam shook his head, so matter of fact. "You did what you had to do Five. Nobody blames you for any of that. Now, I'm not going to say that you're perfect." He nudged her with his elbow. "Can you imagine? With how amazing you are now, a perfect Runner Five would be terrifying."

She laughed. It was a little watery and not very loud, but it was there. She couldn't help it. 

Sam squeezed her hand. "But you're the perfect choice. I had hoped, when this whole baby, fatherhood thing first started..." he cleared his throat. "That, uh, you would be a part of the baby’s life."

Five lifted her head. She still didn't feel like she deserved this chance to be a part of something so wonderful. But Sam simply looked at her with unwavering faith.

“You’re sure about this?” she asked. “You can take it back, pick someone else. I won’t be offended.”

He shook his head. “I’m positive. 100%.”

Even if she didn’t trust herself at the moment, she always trusted Sam. And maybe trusting in _his_ belief in her was enough for now.

“All right,” she said.

Sam beamed. Then he leaned in and kissed her on her cheek—a hurried, excited kiss that left her skin tingling the way soda bubbles do—before he jumped to his feet. 

"Come on, let's go tell Maxine and Paula, and introduce you and Sarah properly." 


End file.
